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Topic: Blonde< Next Oldest | Next Newest >
big ernMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,5:31 am Post # 1 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
> > A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports
car
> > and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a
blonde.
> > The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug
through
> > her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
> >
> > "What does it look like?"she finally asked.
> >
> > The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on
it."
> > The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed
it to
> > the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
> >
> > The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back
saying,
> > "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
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DukeMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,5:43 am Post # 2 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
:rotflmao  oh damn, :rotflmao
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shuemanMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,6:20 am Post # 3 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
:rotflmao  :rotflmao  :good  :beer
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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,7:30 am Post # 4 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?........Pregnant

Every man bleeds, just like me.
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mrs flyin veeFemale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,8:03 am Post # 5 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
what is a blonde doing a handstand?
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..
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.

.
a brunette. :stupid  :D



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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,11:15 am Post # 6 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, "Now, what do I give them to drink?"

One day a blonde decided to try horse riding even though she had never tried it before. She got on the horse and they took off at a slow and rythmic pace. Eventually the horse got faster and faster until the blonde wasn't able to hold on anymore and felt herself slipping from the saddle. In despiration, she decided to jump and try to save herself. As she did so, her foot got caught in the stirrup and she was helplessly being pulled behind the horse with her head banging on the ground. She was near unconciousness when, to her great luck, Bobby the Wal-Mart greeter saw her and unplugged the horse.

It's a fact of Life:

After Monday and Tuesday, even the Calendar says : WTF .......
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GlassManMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,11:16 am Post # 7 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
A young blonde lady phoned the local airline ticket office and asked the clerk how long does it take to fly from New York to Los Angeles, the clerk answered, "just a second" and the blonde said "Thank you" and hung up.

It's a fact of Life:

After Monday and Tuesday, even the Calendar says : WTF .......
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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,12:29 pm Post # 8 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
:rotflmao  :rotflmao  :rotflmao  :rotflmao  :rotflmao

Kickn it @ Havasu!
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mrs flyin veeFemale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,4:41 pm Post # 9 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
:rotflmao  :jumpie  :rotflmao  :jumpie



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mrs flyin veeFemale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,5:15 pm Post # 10 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work with her?
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in case she had to draw some blood. :stupid  :D



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mrs flyin veeFemale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,5:18 pm Post # 11 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
how do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?
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when she has her tampon stuck behind her ear and she is looking for her pencil. :puke  :D



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mrs flyin veeFemale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,5:26 pm Post # 12 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
a blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help.
Oneday during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.
The blonde approached and asked if she was o.k.
the girl said she was.

a little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot. still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"

The girl hesitated, then said, "o.k ," looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress, the blonde then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"

"Because," the little girl said with exasperation, "

"I'm the goalie." :D



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shuemanMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,5:36 pm Post # 13 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Good Ones Mrs V.... :good  :beer
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mrs flyin veeFemale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,5:51 pm Post # 14 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
thanks.. being a blonde I have heard many.  :good  :rotflmao



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mrs flyin veeFemale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,6:16 pm Post # 15 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
a blond goes into work oneday crying :cry  her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about his emplyees well being, asks sympathetically, " What's the matter?" :confused

The blonde replies. "Early this morning I got a phone call :phone saying that my mother had passed away." :(

:eek "I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day.. we are not terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance to do that here." :comp

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. :comp . "If you need anything, just let me know." :)

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. Helooks out over his office and see's the blonde crying histerically. :cry  :stupid  He rushes out to her and asks"Are you going to be o.k? :stupid  Is there anything I can do to help?" :confused

"No," she replies. :cry  

"I just got a call from my sister :phone , and she said her mom died too!" :(


:D

Edited by mrs flyin vee on Mar. 31 2005,6:18 pm



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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,6:24 pm Post # 16 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
what do you call 4 blondes standing shoulder to shoulder?






A WIND TUNNEL

another sunday
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Carrera EliteMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,9:26 pm Post # 17 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
What do you call a brunette standing bertween two blondes??










A translater.

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looky_louMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: Mar. 31 2005,10:05 pm Post # 18 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Good laughs folks. Thanks. :good

Lou


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mrs flyin veeFemale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: April 01 2005,7:58 am Post # 19 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Why did the blonde get fired from the m & m factory? :stupid
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she was throwing away all the w's :bebe



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mrs flyin veeFemale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: April 01 2005,8:55 am Post # 20 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
from the word perfect help desk. :comp


this is a true story from word perfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired. :flamed  However he is currently suing the word perfect organization for "Termination without cause"

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with word perfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."  Ã‚   

"Went away?"  

"They disappeared."

"Hmmm. so what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"  

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in wordperfect or did you get out?" :)

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"Whats a sea-prompt?"    :confused

"Nevermind. :rolleyes  Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor,  I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Does your monitor have a power indicator?"  
"What's a monitor?" :(  
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a t.v   :rolleyes Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."  :stupid
"Well then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.   Can you see that?"

"Yes , I think so."

"Great. :jumpie  Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it is plugged into the wall."  

"....Yes , it is."


"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one."
"No"

"Well, there are. :beat  I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."  :bebe

"...O.k, Here it is."  :jumpie

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."  :cry

"Uh huh.  Well , can you see if it is?"  :banghead

"No"

"even if you maybe put your knee on something :ass  and lean way over?"  :beat

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle- it's because it's dark."     :)

"Dark?"  :confused

"Yes-  the office light is off,   and the only light I have is coming in from the window."  :eek
"Well, turn on the office light."    :beat

"I can't."  
"No? Why not?"  :beat
"Because there was a power outage."  :eek  

"A power.. :banghead .a power outage?   Ah O.K we've got it licked now. :beat   Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" :guns

"Well yes, I keep them in the closet."  

"Good. :jumpie  Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.   Then take it back to the store you bought it from."   

"Really? Is it that bad?"   :eek  

"yes, I'm afraid so."  

"Well all right then,   I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid :stupid  to own a computer." :flamed   



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DukeMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: April 01 2005,9:50 am Post # 21 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
:rotflmao  :rotflmao  :rotflmao  :rotflmao
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20 replies since Mar. 31 2005,5:31 am < Next Oldest | Next Newest >

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