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Topic: Tough afternoon

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Ziggy

Cancer

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Oceanside, Ca./Lake Havasu, Az.
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Posted: Mar. 03 2008,9:28 am

Post # 1

Having to sit down and make plans for 'when' my parents pass is tough, but thats kinda what yesterday afternoon was after having taken her on a walk around the neighborhood. My mom has declined rather rapidly in the past 6 months. Then with my brother, we had to sit there and divy up who gets what when that inevitable day arrives, this debate was managed by by father. Hard part was telling my brother I don't trust his wife one iota.

.
The real kicker was after leaving their house around 8pm, I got home and about 10 minutes later I see ambulances and firetrucks hauling ass up my parents street. Of course I kinda panic so I jump in the car to check. Ends up a neighbor of about 50 yrs old passed away. This poor fellow was caring for his 80+ yr old mother with severe Alzheimer. I told the paramedics that she should be in the house and he had a sudden look of panic and ran back into the house. The nearest relative for them was probably a couple hours away.
.
I can tell you I have had my fill of Hospitals, Doctors and failing health lately.......it sure makes me realize even more how limited our time is here on this Earth.

Ain't life Grand? Treat it that way.
The Love of my Life, Jan.

| Member # 192 | Joined: 8-27-2003 |

tonedog

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Between boats right now.

Posted: Mar. 03 2008,9:33 am

Post # 2

Hang in there Ziggy, there's no easy answers for all this. But it's AWESOME that you're lookin after your parents when they need you.

Just livin' the dream in Lake Havasu.......
www.vistadellago.info

| Member # 3197 | Joined: 11-03-2007 |

WATERDOG

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Posted: Mar. 03 2008,9:40 am

Post # 3

With a tear in my eye, :grouphug

Edited by WATERDOG on Mar. 03 2008,9:42 am

"Damn you sure know how to fock things up."-GFR

| Member # 2868 | Joined: 4-23-2007 |

jordy

Taurus
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Time goes by, the bullshit gets deeper!

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Posted: Mar. 03 2008,9:40 am

Post # 4

Yeah, this kind of stuff sucks. Just lost my Grandpa in January, and dealing with that hasn't been fun. Fortunately, he had all his affairs in order and was sharp and on his game right up to the end. But it's everything after that has been tough. Getting Grandma out of the house and into an assisted living facility, getting the house cleaned up and sold (closed on Friday), as well as his shop (he was a retired citrus farmer and had 50 years worth of stuff in there), has been trying, to say the least.

Already told my mom that she has about another 5 years before I'm throwing her in a home so we don't have to deal with it. :rotflmao

Everyone is a tough guy, until you meet one. Ã‚Â

| Member # 3 | Joined: 12-03-2002 |

CaliKat

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Posted: Mar. 03 2008,9:42 am

Post # 5

Awww Zig... :grouphug

It's tough when you become parents to your parents. I travel from NorCal to SoCal to help take care of mine. Luckily financially my parents have taken care of things with their financial advisor, and when it comes to divvying up the rest of the "stuff" I don't think there will be any issues between my brother and me. Our biggest issue now is trying to get them to sell the house while their area is still in an "up" market. It probably won't stay that way forever, although it has held strong for the past few years. They know they need to move, but they are still stalling as much as possible. :banghead

It's never easy, is it?

Your parents are lucky to have you so close by...I know it means a lot to all of you. It's tough, but you're doing the right thing and honoring your parents. :good

"This is for all the friends I've known, this is for all the ones who've never left me alone. This is for all the ones I've lost along the way...thanks for being a part of today."

| Member # 3232 | Joined: 1-01-2008 |

shueman

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Posted: Mar. 03 2008,9:44 am

Post # 6

Quote (Ziggy @ Mar. 03 2008,9:28 am)

Sorry to hear....been doing much the same for over 7 years now..it's really hard. Dad passed (2+ yrs ago) and mom still refuses to move down from Barfs-Field...despite her declining condition.

FYI, be sure to get everything in WRITING (signed and notarized), including Full Power over finances, medical, etc. I'm sure your there...it just helps keep those "relative distractions" at bay... :beat

God Bless Them Forever... :grouphug

| Member # 376 | Joined: 2-01-2004 |

DirtySquirty Male

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Posted: Mar. 03 2008,10:26 am

Post # 7

Sorry to hear Zig. It's a tough time for sure. Make sure that any Power of Attorney is a "Durable". Anything thing else ceases at the time of their passing. Thoughts and prayers to you and Family.

"It seemed like a hell of an idea at the time".

| Member # 3157 | Joined: 9-06-2007 |

Ziggy

Cancer

Slum Lord

Oceanside, Ca./Lake Havasu, Az.
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2016 Nordic 26 Deck

Posted: Mar. 03 2008,10:46 am

Post # 8

Yeah, dad is a bean counter so details were his life. Estate planning is complete, durables, directives and all that is in order with me being the trustee.
I have no issues whatsoever with my brother, we're close, its his wife I don't trust who has wished my parents be dead long ago. My dad had something in the trust that would have put her indirectly in charge of something she has no business with, so that's the air I needed to clear with my bro yesterday....and all is well in that regard now.
.
The lady's son that died last night was the lady I talked about before. She would come over to visit with my mother and the two of them would not recognize each other although they've been neighbors and friends for nearly 40 years. Alzheimers is a nasty disease, it robs folks of their lifelong memories. My mother used to be full of stories and memories, now she barely knows where she is anymore. Breaks my fricken heart.
.
Jordy, sorry to hear of your grandfathers passing. I know I mentioned it before but I'm just reiterating it. Do yourself a favor and make time for your family as time flies by faster than you will ever guess.
.
Shuey, In one way its good your mother has the feistiness to stay put where she's comfortable so long as there is someone near to help when its needed.
.
Cali, if you're down this way anytime and need a hand don't hesitate to ask.

Ain't life Grand? Treat it that way.
The Love of my Life, Jan.

| Member # 192 | Joined: 8-27-2003 |

PoonToonBabe Female

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AZ
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Posted: Mar. 03 2008,11:22 am

Post # 9

Sorry to hear that things are rough for you right now Zig... My prayers are with you guys during this difficult time. :grouphug

| Member # 1130 | Joined: 3-05-2005 |

Fragile Magic Male

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Posted: Mar. 03 2008,1:24 pm

Post # 10

Hey Zig,

I was exactly where you are now a few years ago.....

My folks are both gone now and all I can tell you is that it does get better, and life goes on. I have warm, happy memories of the time I spent taking care of my folks, and the painful stuff fades a little more each day.

Hang in there........ :peace

| Member # 1952 | Joined: 12-29-2005 |

GlassMan

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Posted: Mar. 03 2008,2:29 pm

Post # 11

You're a good man and a good son Zig. You're also wise to make sure all is in order now.

My Dad went rather suddenly (and young) so there were a few things that my Mom needed help with that were cause for concern, but that got handled.

When she passed there wasn't too much more to do.

God bless. :peace

It's a fact of Life:

After Monday and Tuesday, even the Calendar says : WTF .......

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My Man's Sportin' Wood Female

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Posted: Mar. 03 2008,4:56 pm

Post # 12

I'm sorry you have to deal with that issue. My parents health has begun to decline all of a sudden. They never took care of themselves physically, so now, in their mid-50s, it's time to pay the piper. They are really young IMO, and should not have the issues they have. Thankfully, they have a good solid trust, and my brother and his wife both have a level head.

| Member # 250 | Joined: 10-17-2003 |

AZKC

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Posted: Mar. 03 2008,8:53 pm

Post # 13

Got it today myself Zig

my Mom is spending the night in the Hospital, severe breathing problems. She seems ok but has no energy. She's been sick off and on since Christmas. She had a ambulance ride at around 4 am today.

God is Great, Beer is Good, and People are Crazy......

AUTO SAFETY HOUSE

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GoFastRacer Male

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Posted: Mar. 03 2008,8:59 pm

Post # 14

Damn, this shit is way too sad :cry

sure hope things work out for everyone!..

| Member # 101 | Joined: 3-03-2003 |

CaliKat

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Posted: Mar. 03 2008,9:12 pm

Post # 15

Quote (AZKC @ Mar. 03 2008,8:53 pm)

Got it today myself Zig

Ã‚Â my Mom is spending the night in the Hospital, severe breathing problems. She seems ok but has no energy. She's been sick off and on since Christmas. She had a ambulance ride at around 4 am today.

Sending lots of good thoughts and prayers to you and Mom. :grouphug

"This is for all the friends I've known, this is for all the ones who've never left me alone. This is for all the ones I've lost along the way...thanks for being a part of today."

| Member # 3232 | Joined: 1-01-2008 |

Ziggy

Cancer

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Oceanside, Ca./Lake Havasu, Az.
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2016 Nordic 26 Deck

Posted: Mar. 03 2008,10:09 pm

Post # 16

Quote (AZKC @ Mar. 03 2008,8:53 pm)

Got it today myself Zig

Hang in and help however you can man... :grouphug

After all the hoppla last night I still got called at pre-dawn to help get mom off the livingroom floor, she slipped off the rocking chair again

I've found someone my dad is comfortable with to help out with her care and making some meals for them a couple, three days a week. He's overwhelmed and tired as an owl on dayshift.

Edited by Ziggy on Mar. 03 2008,10:16 pm

Ain't life Grand? Treat it that way.
The Love of my Life, Jan.

| Member # 192 | Joined: 8-27-2003 |

Ziggy

Cancer

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Oceanside, Ca./Lake Havasu, Az.
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2016 Nordic 26 Deck

Posted: Mar. 05 2008,8:19 am

Post # 17

Fooooooooooooooooooooooooock :banghead

............mom is back in the hospital

Ain't life Grand? Treat it that way.
The Love of my Life, Jan.

| Member # 192 | Joined: 8-27-2003 |

jordy

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Time goes by, the bullshit gets deeper!

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Posted: Mar. 05 2008,8:33 am

Post # 18

That sucks Ziggy. Sorry to hear it.

Everyone is a tough guy, until you meet one. Ã‚Â

| Member # 3 | Joined: 12-03-2002 |

CaliKat

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Posted: Mar. 05 2008,8:39 am

Post # 19

Quote (Ziggy @ Mar. 05 2008,8:19 am)

Fooooooooooooooooooooooooock :banghead

Ã‚Â

............mom is back in the hospital

Awwww man. Same as before, Zig?

Hugs and prayers to you and your family. :grouphug

If you need to vent, I've got big ears and big shoulders.

Also, any update on your Mom, AZKC?

"This is for all the friends I've known, this is for all the ones who've never left me alone. This is for all the ones I've lost along the way...thanks for being a part of today."

| Member # 3232 | Joined: 1-01-2008 |

BarryMac

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Posted: Mar. 05 2008,10:24 am

Post # 20

So sorry to hear this Ziggy, you and the family are in my thoughts...

RIVER! If you have to ask you wont understand...

| Member # 1796 | Joined: 9-29-2005 |

SummitKarl Male

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Posted: Mar. 05 2008,11:32 am

Post # 21

Hang in there Bud, you know I will drop everything and come running anytime for you and Jan

:phone

tonight

What happens in Havasu get's around in 5 minutes

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HemiDude

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Say, is your wife doing anything

Posted: Mar. 05 2008,12:25 pm

Post # 22

Hang in there ziggy...I just went through this in the last few years with both my mom and dad. Both my wife and I almost lost it trying to take care of them--it will take a toll on you, just like your neighbor.

Both were in there 80's, and dad was full minded and my mom's care giver. It wore him out-they refused out side help and wanted to live independently at home, plus my dad ran a business in Lake Havasu. We would help every month going to Havasu doing what we could in a weekend, but my other two siblings never helped, one never saw them in 30+ years and other (brother) thrice in 30 years. Then dad got sick and the wife I ended up taking care of both. I too was the POA, Trustee and executor, but when brother smelled money he got several attorneys involved. When they both passed all hell broke loose as he contested the trust. We are still fighting this 3 years later and over $500k in attorneys fees wasted between myself and the trust. There's a whole lot more to this story...

I really feel for your situation. PM me and I can give some pitfalls to look for. When you say your brother's wife could be a problem, it sends a chill down my back....

We will pray for you and your family, and happy to help you with any of our experiences as we can.

:grouphug

Real motors are Hemis and Chevys, Fords dont count!

"Stress: (noun) - The confusion created when one's mind overules the body's basic desire to choke the living $hit out of some as$hole that desperately deserves it."

| Member # 3188 | Joined: 10-22-2007 |

Ziggy

Cancer

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Oceanside, Ca./Lake Havasu, Az.
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2016 Nordic 26 Deck

Posted: Mar. 05 2008,5:41 pm

Post # 23

Mom passed away today at 1:30.
I'm kinda numb and don't exactly know what I'm feeling yet.

Ain't life Grand? Treat it that way.
The Love of my Life, Jan.

| Member # 192 | Joined: 8-27-2003 |

CaliKat

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Posted: Mar. 05 2008,5:47 pm

Post # 24

Oh Zig, I am so very, very sorry. My heart is just breaking right now. :cry

I can only imagine what you are going through...grieving the loss of Mom and worrying about Dad.

If you need anything, just ask. I'm keeping you close in my heart, my friend.

Big hugs to you... :grouphug

Kat

"This is for all the friends I've known, this is for all the ones who've never left me alone. This is for all the ones I've lost along the way...thanks for being a part of today."

| Member # 3232 | Joined: 1-01-2008 |

PoonToonBabe Female

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AZ
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Posted: Mar. 05 2008,6:01 pm

Post # 25

Oh gosh, Zig. Ã‚Â I am so very sorry to hear that she has passed...

Ã‚Â I know nothing I can say is going to be right, so I just want to give ya a big hug.... :grouphug

Ã‚Â

Edited by PoonToonBabe on Mar. 05 2008,6:03 pm

| Member # 1130 | Joined: 3-05-2005 |

45 replies since Mar. 03 2008,9:28 am

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