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Topic: My weekend w/ the kids- Martinez, no wonder my wife had the flu< Next Oldest | Next Newest >
ToyBoxMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,11:20 am Post # 1 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Well all- here is what happned
(Doug says "anything goes- well almost"

I will start this by telling you I thought everything in my life was great, married for 8 years, 2 kids, 2 story house in Irvine, BMW & a Tahoe, wife hadn't worked in 8 years, and I was VERY happy and very much in love with my wife.

Supposed to leave for the river last Friday at noon, Th night the wife gets the flu, and tells me the kids have had their bags packed all week, and wanted me to go without her, (looking back, tried real hard to have me go without her) but anyway- go without her? No need talking me into that- I'll go!!

Fri night I talk to her and it turns out her sister is in town last minute visiting her dad in Torrance so she is there and is staying the night.....(A little wierd, but no biggie.)

Sat she comes back to Irvine, has her hair done and is going back out to Torrance again Sat night.  (Getting wierder)

Sun I talk to her and she is still there, I tell her I will be home at about 800.  She gets home at 930 and I know immediately something is wrong.(930pm)  by 1030 I work up enough courage to say the good'ole "hey babe, whats wrong" and get the only answer there is- nothing, boy do I love honesty, so I spend the next 30 mins explaining to her how good I know her, how much I love her, and how much I care about whats going on with her- still "nothing" boy I am getting warm here!  So I finally say tell me whats wrong, do you want a divorce?  YES she says...."I have been trying to fake that I am happy in our marrage for a while now and I owe it to myself and to you to do this.  You are a great guy and I know that you love me but if I loved you the way that I used to you wouldn't have to try so hard all the time to make me happy"  I AS FLOORED!!! ( I also had a pretty good idea that there was another guy in the picture)  

Next day- Monday, we tell the girls- 5&7 and they cry and scream terribly- it was aweful...My 7 year old says "this is just not like you guys- you never even fight.."  Boy did she take the words right out of my mouth....

For her to walk away from all this I have to believe her mind is made up and the other guy must be really good-

Anyway I am pretty much screwed, but on a good note she said the kids love the boat and she wants me to keep it so I can still take them to the river.....

Fuck.

Here are 2 pictures of my kids.

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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,11:28 am Post # 2 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Im very sorry...it will get better...keep your chin up.

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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,11:30 am Post # 3 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
One more in the room-

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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,12:00 pm Post # 4 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Christ, there must be something in the water. :angry

One of my bros is having trouble in his marrige, my other brother just had his fiance leave him, and my girlfriend (the one that I thought was the one) gave me the old heave-ho a couple of weeks ago.  

Now I wasn't married, but I do know how it feels to get that "it's not you, it's me" crap dropped on you out of the blue.  

WTF does that mean. :stupid

If it wasn't me, you wouldn't be leaving. :(

What's wrong with people these days?  No one want's to work for anything anymore (relationships especially).  

Hang in there.

A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his.
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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,12:37 pm Post # 5 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
That is terrible! I wish the very best for you!

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87 ColeMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,12:39 pm Post # 6 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Brad, Like I said keep your chin up dude. Need anything give me another shout. :good  :good  :good

I wouldn't mind being the last man on Earth - just to see if all of those girls were telling me the truth.
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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,1:27 pm Post # 7 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
That is terrible! Is it possible to try to work it out or is it too late for that? If it is at all possible I would give it a try your two beautiful daughters would definitely benefit from it.

If you need someone to talk to or just vent some frustrations we are always here. I wish you the best.

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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,1:38 pm Post # 8 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Quote (87 Cole @ Aug. 19 2003,12:39 pm)
Brad, Like I said keep your chin up dude. Need anything give me another shout. :good  :good  :good

You've been saying that alot lately Todd..  

WaterPony,  I'm terribly sorry to read your story.   I sincerely hope things work out well for you.   :(

RD  :cool

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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,1:46 pm Post # 9 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
That is some bad news. I really feel for you & your daughters.

I hope in time you can get by this and move on.

Your boating buddies are here for you.



Everyone is welcome.... No one is safe.
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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,1:52 pm Post # 10 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Quote (RiverDave @ Aug. 19 2003,1:38 pm)
Quote (87 Cole @ Aug. 19 2003,12:39 pm)
Brad, Like I said keep your chin up dude. Need anything give me another shout. :good  :good  :good

You've been saying that alot lately Todd..  

WaterPony,  I'm terribly sorry to read your story.   I sincerely hope things work out well for you.   :(

RD  :cool

Dave sounds familiar ha :good
Brad is doing pretty well considering. He a great guy and I'm sure all the peep's here make it a little easier for him to cope with the situation. I personally would like to thank ( ALL ) the board members as well. :good  :good

I wouldn't mind being the last man on Earth - just to see if all of those girls were telling me the truth.
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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,1:57 pm Post # 11 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
MAybe I can talk Waterpony into heading to the river w/ us this weekend. Get his mind off things???? I'll try

I wouldn't mind being the last man on Earth - just to see if all of those girls were telling me the truth.
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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,1:58 pm Post # 12 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
I have been through this myself its pretty hard now but it will get better.Hang in there.

Kickn it @ Havasu!
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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,2:05 pm Post # 13 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
WP, Hang in there bro.  My wife left me 3 months ago and now I am a single Dad of 2 daughters also.  Its still a fresh wound but I have to say, it does get easier as time passes.  At first I would sit in the shower and pray for the strength to get through the day.  It was probably the hardest thing I have ever gone through.  Now, 3 months later, its a lot easier to deal with.  The days are much shorter and sleep comes with ease where before if I could sleep, I had nightmares every night.

Anyway, I know you are experiencing your own hell right now, I just wanted to let you know your not the only one out there that has had this happen. It might not make it any easier but just know that there are better days ahead of you.  

Keep you head up...  And by all means, you WILL be at OP6C-VII!  OP6C-V was 5 weeks after I was told about my divorce and it was the best medicine I could have asked for.  Married for 8 1/2 years and faithful as all get out, I needed to see what was out there again to remind me life was not over.

Edited by Forensic on Aug. 19 2003,2:05 pm
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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,2:07 pm Post # 14 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Gosh- writing about this here this morning made me feel some relief, and I get back from lunch and log on- 11 replies!!
Thanks- it is good to know I am not alone.  As far as friends, I have only really made 1 in 8 years- 87 Cole- all my time was given to work, & the family.  

Thanks again everyone!!! :good  :good  :good
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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,2:17 pm Post # 15 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Quote (WaterPony @ Aug. 19 2003,2:07 pm)
Gosh- writing about this here this morning made me feel some relief, and I get back from lunch and log on- 11 replies!!
Thanks- it is good to know I am not alone.  As far as friends, I have only really made 1 in 8 years- 87 Cole- all my time was given to work, & the family.  

Thanks again everyone!!! :good  :good  :good

What are you doing this weekend?

RD

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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,2:23 pm Post # 16 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Quote (WaterPony @ Aug. 19 2003,3:07 pm)
Gosh- writing about this here this morning made me feel some relief, and I get back from lunch and log on- 11 replies!!
Thanks- it is good to know I am not alone.  As far as friends, I have only really made 1 in 8 years- 87 Cole- all my time was given to work, & the family.  

Thanks again everyone!!! :good  :good  :good

These boards are like a family we all have similar interests and that helps us bond together. You don’t necessarily need to meet each other to become good friends; you have more friends than you think. We have not formally met but I am sure we will at some point. You will be surprised how many good friendships you will make here and how much fun you will have with the people when you finally meet.

We are all pulling for you! Honestly we really do care we are not just saying it.   :good

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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,2:24 pm Post # 17 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
I know you guys don't know me but I must say - chicks are bitches (for the most part).  I'm a chick (obviously) and I still don't understand how some girls can do what they do.  I'm turning 35 this Friday and have never been married; not even dating right now; Committment-fobic?  Possibly, but I see so many of my friends married and now divorced and it really pisses me off and it steers me away from it all.

If it's any consolation, being single isn't as terrible as some make it out to be. It's really nice having your own space and time to do whatever you want - a date now and then would be nice, but WHATEVER.  It will get easier.  I'm watching a friends' divorce unfold in front of me and I can see both sides getting better and better every day.  

Time heals all wounds - like that helps right now, but it is true.

I hope to meet some of you folks at the river soon.

Bonnie

Parker-bound...
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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,2:24 pm Post # 18 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
good luck man :good

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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,3:18 pm Post # 19 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Well Waterpony there are sometimes obsticles in life that you need to overcome and this will probably be one of the worst. But those two little girls there need their daddy and you have to be strong and keep your head up high for them and for yourself.

As far as the comment about chicks are bitches. I don't fully agree with that. I am a singke mother with a year and a half old beautiful little boy. I gave my man(the father of my son) anything and everything. I did for him more than I did for my self and all i got from him was heartache and pain. I was far from a bitch too him.

I don't want guys to get discouraged and feel that chicks are bitches because not all of them are. There are some real good girls out there as there are guys. :good

Edited by RiverBabe on Aug. 19 2003,3:24 pm

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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,3:32 pm Post # 20 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Riverbabe:

I said MOST chicks are bitches.  Not all. I know there's some super-nice women out there; it's just that I've seen so many women destroy for unknown reason and leave a whirlwind of disaster in their path on the way out the door.  I've watched 'friends' do that (not so much friends anymore), and I've seen the other side.  We hear of the negative more than the positive.

Didn't mean to offend - plz accept my apologies.

Parker-bound...
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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,4:09 pm Post # 21 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Quote (bonbuttercup @ Aug. 19 2003,3:32 pm)
Riverbabe:

I said MOST chicks are bitches.  Not all. I know there's some super-nice women out there; it's just that I've seen so many women destroy for unknown reason and leave a whirlwind of disaster in their path on the way out the door.  I've watched 'friends' do that (not so much friends anymore), and I've seen the other side.  We hear of the negative more than the positive.

Didn't mean to offend - plz accept my apologies.

No worries girlie. I just don't want the guys here to get discouraged and feel like all women are bitches. Especially hearing it from a woman. :good

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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,7:47 pm Post # 22 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
First off I'd like to give my deepest sympathy. I'm very sorry you are having to deal with this. Divorce is hell at times...beware you will need to stay positive always try (sometimes it's very hard) to see the positives in your life.

I personally think you should try to keep custody of your daughters during this tough time. Let your wife get her bugs out. She doesn't need to take the kids along for the ride.

Your daughters need a stable parent who can devote their love, time and energy into them. It sounds like your wife is busy dealing with a selfish phase in her life (we all have them) and will be spending some time giving her love and devotion to herself and her new relationship. Your daughters are what matter most and they deserve a parent that can give them more.

I don't mean to sound 'down' on your wife, I'm sure she is a loving mother. PLEASE do not get me wrong here. I'm trying to be honest about the reality of giving when you are needing. She is obviously needing some time for herself right now and that can not (regardless of maternal instincts) be a giving time for your daughters.

I also highly recommend the book (or book on tape) by Dr. John Gray "Starting Over"



It's very helpful to understand what not only you are dealing with, but what your wife might be going through as well...may help explain to you what she is feeling and processing.

Here is a link to the web site if you're interested in purchasing the book.

Dr. John Gray's Site

I wish you the best of luck...I've lived through my parents divorce, so I speak with experience as the 'daughter' who's mother surprised her father with a divorce request.

Give those girls all the love you have, even when they are fighting you...it takes roughly 10 to 15 years for all parties involved in a divorce to recover and at that point your children will be grown and gone...so use your time wisely...let them know you love them, it's not their fault and even when you think they are doing alright...think again...often times kids hold things in...deep inside.

I send out lots and lots of prayers for a speedy recovery and a big love hug to surround you and your girls throughout the whole process.
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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 19 2003,8:50 pm Post # 23 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
That is a tuff one to read, I hope all works out for you.  Like the others said, take care of the two girls.  They will be the light to guide you through.  They will need special time and attention right now.  

Been there as a kid, it sucks.  

Need anything let us know and take care

JetBoatRich
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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 20 2003,5:56 am Post # 24 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Sorry to hear this, the first and formost thing you need to worry bout is your kids,  as much as you might hate your wife right now dont bad mouth her in front of them, they love her and that doesn't play well with them.

You are going to make a bunch of sacrifices for your kids but trust me a few years from now you will see the results.

Get a good lawyer, I know it is kinda raw right now and she might be giving you a line about discovering herself or what ever, get a lawyer and get this started or loose your ass, right now the ball is in your court.

If you need to chat I am around too.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests???
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Post Icon Posted: Aug. 20 2003,9:20 am Post # 25 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
I forget to mention something and its not something fun to think about...    

FILE FIRST...  Don't try to be the nice guy, even if she says she wants to be fair, file first.  Protect yourself.  She will be getting a lot of advice from family and lawyers about what she should do and most of it will be coming from people that are looking out for HER interests.    

I think Wifey has good advice also, the girls need to be in a stable and comfortable situation.

The one who files first gets to set the bar and the only thing the other can do is respond.  

Remember what they say, "Nice Guys Finish Last", especially in divorce court.
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