GlassMan
Pisces
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Redondo Crew
  
Redondo Beach, California, USA
Posts: 5,761
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Post Rank: 13
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Posted: Jan. 13 2005,7:53 am |
Post # 1 |
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THE DARWIN AWARDS 2004
It's that time again! The Darwin Awards this year are classic. These awards
are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who
through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove
undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
5th RUNNER-UP. Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a
lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a
foam pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth
Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's
department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run
called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers,
said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are
used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the
pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has
since been investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with its
pad removed.
4th RUNNER-UP. Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, who was apparently being disorderly
in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo
grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying.
Police found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the
six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death.
3rd RUNNER-UP. Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag
standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it
fell on him.
2nd RUNNER-UP. "Man loses face at party" is what the headline read: A man at
a West Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in
Arkansas who used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck)
popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion
that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid,
bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said
Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to battery and
was trying to explode it. It wouldn't go off and Stromyer said: 'I'll show
you how to set it off.' He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all
his teeth out and his lips and tongue off", Payne added. Stromyer was listed
in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to
a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine
anyone doing something like that," Payne said.
1st RUNNER-UP. Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man
shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be
released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last
weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men
Anonymous in Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off
his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had
the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have
been cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny
Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through
8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull,
yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that
had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have
killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been
drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No
charges have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office
said the initiation stunt is under investigation.
THIS YEAR'S WINNER. The late John Pernicky and his friend, the late Sal
Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local
Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets
(but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to
"hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their
pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was
100-pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins to hop the fence and then assist his
friend over. Unfortunately for Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the
other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself
crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along
with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling
from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below
him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his
pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the
tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves
scratched his entire body and worse, without the protection of his shorts, a
holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse still, on landing,
his pocket knife penetrated his thigh. Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in
considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope and tried to pull him to
safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving away.
However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and
crashed through the fence, landing 30' below atop his friend, killing him.
Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100' from
the truck and dead from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck,
they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in
his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch
25-feet in the air.
Hearty congratulations gentlemen, you win...
It's a fact of Life:
After Monday and Tuesday, even the Calendar says : WTF .......
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12-16-2025 Gas price in your area (Rep.#7,376) from: GoFastRacer
Sad that people die but that would be some funny shit to tell to ole St Peter. "So how did you die sir?" "Well me and my friend........" 
