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GoFastRacer
HDF Supporter
V-Driver For Life!
   
Big River, Ca
Posts: 63,129
APPD 7.58
Post Rank: 1
Spectra20
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Posted: Mar. 31 2005,5:21 am |
Post # 1 |
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Two little old ladies were attending a rather long service at their church.
One leaned over and whispered, "My butt is going to sleep."
Her friend leaned over and said, "I know. I heard it snore three times."
 
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| Member # 101 | Joined: 3-03-2003 | |
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big ern
Libra
HDF Supporter
Boater
mesa, az
Posts: 165
APPD 0.02
Post Rank: 119
82 19ft eliminator
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Posted: Mar. 31 2005,5:29 am |
Post # 2 |
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Good one 
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| Member # 759 | Joined: 8-02-2004 | |
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shueman
Libra
HDF Gold Supporter
Born To Drive...
Alta Loma CA
Posts: 17,228
APPD 2.15
Post Rank: 4
NADA
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Posted: Mar. 31 2005,6:21 am |
Post # 3 |
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LMAO.... 
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| Member # 376 | Joined: 2-01-2004 | |
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GlassMan
Pisces
HDF Silver Supporter
Redondo Crew
Redondo Beach, California, USA
Posts: 5,761
APPD 0.73
Post Rank: 13
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Posted: Mar. 31 2005,11:23 am |
Post # 4 |
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Its long...but I'm Bored!
You know you're getting old when....
- When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
- When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.
- When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you.
- When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
- When your wife says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
- Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
- When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
- You know you're getting old when your semi-annual erection becomes an annual semi-erection!
- You and your teeth don't sleep together.
- Your back goes out, but you stay home.
- You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.
- It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
- Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
- Happy hour is a nap.
- When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.
- Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
- Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
- The pharmacist has become you new best friend.
- It takes twice as long to look half as good.
- The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
- You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.
- You get two invitations to go out on the same night, and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.
- You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.
- You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.
- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
- You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
- You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.
- You don't know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal detector.
- Let's face it, traveling just isn't as much fun when all the historical sites are younger than you are.
- Every time you suck in your gut, your ankles swell.
- You're suffering from Mallzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where I parked my car.
- Age always corresponds inversely to the size of your multi-vitamin.
- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
- It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
- If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.
- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
- Your eyes won't get much worse.
- Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.
- Things you buy now won't wear out.
- No one expects you to run into a burning building.
- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
- You're sitting on a park bench, and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.
- You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya."
- Someone compliments you on your layered look.... and you're wearing a bikini.
- You start video taping daytime game shows.
- You wonder why you waited so long to take up macramé.
- At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.
- Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
- It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.
It's a fact of Life:
After Monday and Tuesday, even the Calendar says : WTF .......
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| Member # 617 | Joined: 4-29-2004 | |
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