RVRGIRL
Taurus
HDF Supporter
Poopsie Bubble Buns
 
Lake Havasu City, AZ
Posts: 2,220
APPD 0.27
Post Rank: 29
|
 |
Posted: Nov. 19 2005,11:16 pm |
Post # 1 |
   |
I'm sure some of you have seen this before, but it was just sent to me and struck me as frighteningly hilarious. I swear, whoever wrote it has been to my house for a holiday meal...
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised.
Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes: Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.
Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the kids (and animals) involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.
The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy China, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.
Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it's a turkey. The artist also insists on having the traditional thanksgiving bananas.
We will be dining fashionably late. The children (and animals) will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the Butterball turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.
As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.
We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. At a house down the street.
Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private"meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.
I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread.
Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will beserving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped creamand small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.
Happy Thanksgiving !
 Thats "MRS" RVRGIRL 2 you..... "When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt."
|
12-22-2025 Gas price in your area (Rep.#7,378) from: GoFastRacer
