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weldwade

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Posted: April 21 2006,11:22 am

Post # 1

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it Done not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
:rolleyes

Keep your GUNS!

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LASINC

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Posted: April 21 2006,11:44 am

Post # 2

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stingray

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Posted: April 21 2006,11:48 am

Post # 3

Quote (weldwade @ April 21 2006,11:22 am)

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Â

Simple but true

:good

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shueman

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Posted: April 21 2006,12:01 pm

Post # 4

Quote (weldwade @ April 21 2006,11:22 am)

...you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
:rolleyes

My favorite spot.... Â :sleep

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Posted: April 22 2006,9:37 pm

Post # 5

I like #1... :laugh

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Biglue

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Posted: April 22 2006,10:33 pm

Post # 6

Amen.

Here's another one. Remind when the odometer is getting near the mileage on the oil change sticker.

And another. I really don't care what your mother had to say about what is none of her business.

:angry

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shueman

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Posted: April 23 2006,4:00 am

Post # 7

Quote (Biglue @ April 22 2006,10:33 pm)

And another. I really don't care what your mother had to say about what is none of her business.
:angry

You too... :eek

Â That def. moves to #1 on my list..... Â :beat

Edited by shueman on April 23 2006,4:01 am

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stingray

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Posted: April 23 2006,5:20 am

Post # 8

Quote (weldwade @ April 21 2006,11:22 am)

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.

Anything, Really

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My Man's Sportin' Wood Female

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Posted: April 23 2006,10:56 am

Post # 9

Quote

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

Neither are we. Â When you give us vague directions, you get vaguely what you intended. Â :beat

Quote

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Why do you even need to put it up? Â Can't you aim? Â :bebe

Quote

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

NEWSFLASH! You are not part of the team. It doesn't matter if you watch it or not, the result will be the same. Â Another newsflash, the overpaid, overweight, over-inflated egos on the screen couldn't care less if YOU watched them play or not. Â They only care about $$$$$$ Â

Quote

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Someone said shopping is a sport? Â While it seems to be the great American pastime here in So Cal, I would not call it a sport.

Quote

1. Crying is blackmail.

Okay, you got me. Â :cry

Quote

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

You guys see the signs. Â You choose to ignore them and then blame it on us for not coming right out and saying it. Â Furthermore, this is in relation to things we shouldn't have to hint at, such as: taking your wife to dinner, taking out the trash, getting your collection of junk out of the backyard, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Quote

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

We'll remember that when you want to go to the next bachelor party or guys trip to the river.

Quote

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Women's headaches are directly proportionate to the last time her husband brushed his teeth, had a cigarette, showered, and the size of his "toolshed."

Quote

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

Us too! Â We're including marriage vows here, right? Â :laugh

Quote

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you don't look like a porn star, don't expect us to act like one.

Quote

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

If you are getting ready to say something that can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways might make us sad or angry. . . don't say it.

Quote

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it Done not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

That goes both ways as well. Â See the first response.

Quote

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Whenever YOU have something to say, please way whatever you have to say when I'm not busy hauling kids around, cooking dinner, washing dishes, or vacuuming. Â And don't get pissed at me when I don't answer my cell phone. Â It means I'm BUSY!!!

Quote

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

LMAO! Â And he NEVER found what he was looking for, did he?

Quote

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Point noted. Â FYI, Camo is not a color, it is a blend of 3 colors. Oh, and a pumpkin is a vegetable in the squash family.

Quote

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Your choice. Â But when it becomes a hassle, don't say you didn't see it coming.

Quote

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!

See above in reference to soap opera/porn star

Quote

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Good, then I guess that means we don't have to put up with your snoring and flatulence anymore!
Â
I know, I missed a couple. Â My fingers were getting tired.

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Carrera Elite Male

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Posted: April 23 2006,12:17 pm

Post # 10

I still like #1.......

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I've Reached The Age Where Happy Hour Is A Nap!!

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Biglue

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Posted: April 23 2006,12:49 pm

Post # 11

Quote (shueman @ April 23 2006,4:00 am)

Quote (Biglue @ April 22 2006,10:33 pm)

And another. I really don't care what your mother had to say about what is none of her business.
:angry

You too... :eek

Â That def. moves to #1 on my list..... Â :beat

Jesus Christ buddy. I bet I can put Anheiser Busch's stock through the roof sharing MIL stories. The woman is sheer evil......evil I tell ya. :angry

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stingray

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Posted: April 23 2006,1:20 pm

Post # 12

There is a thread of truth in all of them :rotflmao

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Wifey

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Posted: April 23 2006,6:40 pm

Post # 13

[quote=weldwade,April 21 2006,11:22 am][/quote]
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
because men can't count

1. Men are NOT mind readers. so true...they can' read anything

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. learn to aim...it's not THAT big...get over yourself already

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. personally could care less about sunday sports...therefore I do "let it be"

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. then buy your own food, clothes, presents, etc...if you want us to do all that crap for you, you need to participate on occasion...and smile it's like sunday sports...just let it be

1. Crying is blackmail.it works and you still fall for it

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! sometimes we forget we're talk'n to idiots...sorry

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. so, when do men ask questions?

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.again like sunday sports...let it be..just listen, it's easier on your pea brain
Â
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. or maybe you could learn where the clitoris is ]http://www.the-clitoris.com/

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. we can't help it if you have a crappy memory...get some ginko in your diet

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. and if we do...then you will? ha, ha...ya right!

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.don't tell us when we don't ask

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one . because you're wimps and can't stand up for what you mean?

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it Done not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. is it really hard to realize you are with a smart girl...you should be proud of her not ashamed that you're an idiot

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..but I like to watch the commercials...sunday sports has replays...we can chat during those...you already saw it once

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. can we remind you that he didn't find what he was looking for...so your point is? that you're an idiot

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. http://www.webster.com/ go ahead and better yourself...knowledge is the key to happiness

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. then LISTEN when we tell you what's wrong

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.if you know we aren't looking for an answer, why do you bother?

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.a big flowered moo moo is cool? Your buddy's will be so jealous that your gal is so hot look'n

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.try us...we're interested in you

1. You have enough clothes.hardly

1. You have too many shoes.doubtful

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!in that case we all are IN shape

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.camp on

isn't there a saying...can't live with us, can't live without us...unless of course you're :rainbow

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GlassMan

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Posted: April 23 2006,7:33 pm

Post # 14

#1 IS a good one, isn't it?

It's a fact of Life:

After Monday and Tuesday, even the Calendar says : WTF .......

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Posted: April 23 2006,9:46 pm

Post # 15

I think they're all pretty damn good myself!..

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My Man's Sportin' Wood Female

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Posted: April 24 2006,7:06 am

Post # 16

They are conveniently ignoring us, Wifey. Dense, I tell ya, dense. They are proving our argument. It must have been either too long or too complicated for them to read. They all commented on the first one, also. Guess that's as far as their attention would allow between the commercials of those life changing games. :rolleyes

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BarryMac

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Posted: April 24 2006,7:12 am

Post # 17

LMAO, My Man's Sportin Wood and Wifey... :laugh

How long did it take you too answer each line? Yuo both relaize that they weren't questions don't you???

RIVER! If you have to ask you wont understand...

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MrCord

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Posted: April 24 2006,7:40 am

Post # 18

They are all GREAT! :good

Never Trust Anyone That Talks Too Fast.... They are hoping you miss something!

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Posted: April 24 2006,1:37 pm

Post # 19

I enjoyed that :laugh

The responses too :fight

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NakedTurtle Female

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It's not mine....

Posted: April 24 2006,2:57 pm

Post # 20

Quote (My Man's Sportin' Wood @ April 24 2006,7:06 am)

They are conveniently ignoring us, Wifey. Â Dense, I tell ya, dense. Â They are proving our argument. It must have been either too long or too complicated for them to read. Â They all commented on the first one, also. Â Guess that's as far as their attention would allow between the commercials of those life changing games. Â :rolleyes

Oh man you ladies are killing me!! When I first started reading this thread I was soooo steamed :guns

I was all prepared to leave some rude comment, but after reading both of yours I couldn't stop laughing!! So true sooooo true!!! :laugh

Take that boys!

Goin to the river to destroy my liver!

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Biglue

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Posted: April 24 2006,3:58 pm

Post # 21

Quote (My Man's Sportin' Wood @ April 24 2006,7:06 am)

SHHHHH, you're breaking our concentration........we're trying to read.

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stingray

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Posted: April 24 2006,11:29 pm

Post # 22

adding a comment doesn't change the statement, But it is good entertainment :rotflmao

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Wifey

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Posted: April 27 2006,9:29 pm

Post # 23

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weldwade

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Posted: April 28 2006,6:06 am

Post # 24

Quote (stingray @ April 24 2006,11:29 pm)

adding a comment doesn't change the statement, But it is good entertainment :rotflmao

Thats why I posted it, it is good entertainment :rotflmao

Keep your GUNS!

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GoFastRacer Male

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Posted: April 28 2006,6:14 am

Post # 25

Yes it is!..

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25 replies since April 21 2006,11:22 am

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