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GlassManMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: June 02 2006,1:59 pm Post # 1 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes,! we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape: if it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40; if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.  :good

It's a fact of Life:

After Monday and Tuesday, even the Calendar says : WTF .......
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freddogMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: June 02 2006,4:14 pm Post # 2 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.  



You only need 6 of 'em to carry you out in the end.

Carbon Monoxide poisoning kills boaters.  Take the time to learn about it and how to avoid it.
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Bullitt BobMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: June 02 2006,5:47 pm Post # 3 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Quote (GlassMan @ June 02 2006,1:59 pm)
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

I almost did that once. ;)
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Carrera EliteMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: June 02 2006,9:54 pm Post # 4 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Those are pretty good!!  :good

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shuemanMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: June 03 2006,6:21 pm Post # 5 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Quote (GlassMan @ June 02 2006,1:59 pm)
...
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

I can relate... :rolleyes  :D
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stingrayMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: June 05 2006,12:11 am Post # 6 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Quote (GlassMan @ June 02 2006,1:59 pm)
Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

:good  :eek  :good :eek   :good

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weldwadeMale Offline
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Post Icon Posted: June 05 2006,7:24 am Post # 7 see this member send this member a private message  quote this post in reply
Quote (GlassMan @ June 02 2006,1:59 pm)
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

That is funny, I could benefit from that :rotflmao

Keep your GUNS!

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