Carrera Elite
Libra
HDF Supporter
Glendale,AZ Posts: 44,127
APPD 5.65 Post Rank: 2 1990 Carrera 23.5 Classic
Posted: Oct. 15 2008,12:51 pm
Post # 51
Quote (GlassMan @ Oct. 15 2008,12:32 pm)
This one is for everyone who...
a) has kids b) had kids c) was a kid d) knows a kid e) is going to have kids.
I guess that means all of us!!
DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS
I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said,'Daddy, look at this' , and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, 'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,' pretending to eat them.
I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, 'What's wrong, honey?'
She replied, Â 'What happened to my booger?'
Sarcasim, Just one more thing that I offer for free!! I've Reached The Age Where Happy Hour Is A Nap!!
HemiDude
Scorpio Boat Racer
Glendale, AZ and Havasu Posts: 587
APPD 0.10 Post Rank: 56 Say, is your wife doing anything
Posted: Oct. 18 2008,6:42 pm
Post # 52
Quote (Carrera Elite @ Oct. 15 2008,12:51 pm)
Quote (GlassMan @ Oct. 15 2008,12:32 pm)
This one is for everyone who...
a) has kids b) had kids c) was a kid d) knows a kid e) is going to have kids.
I guess that means all of us!!
DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS
I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said,'Daddy, look at this' , and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, 'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,' pretending to eat them.
I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, 'What's wrong, honey?'
She replied, Â 'What happened to my booger?'
 Â
Real motors are Hemis and Chevys, Fords dont count!
"Stress: (noun) - The confusion created when one's mind overules the body's basic desire to choke the living $hit out of some as$hole that desperately deserves it."
HemiDude
Scorpio Boat Racer
Glendale, AZ and Havasu Posts: 587
APPD 0.10 Post Rank: 56 Say, is your wife doing anything
Posted: Oct. 18 2008,6:44 pm
Post # 53
Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.
The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each."
The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 700 billion dollars.
They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys!
Now you have a better understanding of how the WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WILL WORK !!!!
Real motors are Hemis and Chevys, Fords dont count!
"Stress: (noun) - The confusion created when one's mind overules the body's basic desire to choke the living $hit out of some as$hole that desperately deserves it."
GoFastRacer
HDF Supporter V-Driver For Life!
Big River, Ca Posts: 62,383
APPD 8.08 Post Rank: 1 Spectra20
Posted: Oct. 19 2008,5:46 am
Post # 54
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished? Blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..........."
He sighed................
"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......."
Carrera Elite
Libra
HDF Supporter
Glendale,AZ Posts: 44,127
APPD 5.65 Post Rank: 2 1990 Carrera 23.5 Classic
Posted: Oct. 19 2008,8:31 am
Post # 55
Quote (GoFastRacer @ Oct. 19 2008,5:46 am)
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished? Blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..........." Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â He sighed................
        "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......."
I Think That I've Met Her!!
Sarcasim, Just one more thing that I offer for free!! I've Reached The Age Where Happy Hour Is A Nap!!
WATERDOG
Gemini
HDF Silver Supporter Don't Bother Me, I'm in Havi
MENIFEE, CA Posts: 10,292
APPD 1.66 Post Rank: 8 ELIMINATOR EAGLE
Posted: Oct. 19 2008,8:45 am
Post # 56
Quote (Carrera Elite @ Oct. 19 2008,8:31 am)
Quote (GoFastRacer @ Oct. 19 2008,5:46 am)
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished? Blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..........." Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â He sighed................
        "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......."
GoFastRacer
HDF Supporter V-Driver For Life!
Big River, Ca Posts: 62,383
APPD 8.08 Post Rank: 1 Spectra20
Posted: Oct. 19 2008,8:47 am
Post # 57
Quote (WATERDOG @ Oct. 19 2008,8:45 am)
Quote (Carrera Elite @ Oct. 19 2008,8:31 am)
Quote (GoFastRacer @ Oct. 19 2008,5:46 am)
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished? Blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..........." Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â He sighed................
        "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......."
GoFastRacer
HDF Supporter V-Driver For Life!
Big River, Ca Posts: 62,383
APPD 8.08 Post Rank: 1 Spectra20
Posted: Oct. 19 2008,8:48 am
Post # 58
Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives. After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing.
The following week they met up again to compare notes:
Sipping her drink, the single girl smirked and said 'Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!'
The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos.
I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?''
Carrera Elite
Libra
HDF Supporter
Glendale,AZ Posts: 44,127
APPD 5.65 Post Rank: 2 1990 Carrera 23.5 Classic
Posted: Oct. 19 2008,9:44 am
Post # 61
Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything I need. $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on
The Reply:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad
Sarcasim, Just one more thing that I offer for free!! I've Reached The Age Where Happy Hour Is A Nap!!
Carrera Elite
Libra
HDF Supporter
Glendale,AZ Posts: 44,127
APPD 5.65 Post Rank: 2 1990 Carrera 23.5 Classic
Posted: Oct. 19 2008,9:49 am
Post # 62
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
Sarcasim, Just one more thing that I offer for free!! I've Reached The Age Where Happy Hour Is A Nap!!
HemiDude
Scorpio Boat Racer
Glendale, AZ and Havasu Posts: 587
APPD 0.10 Post Rank: 56 Say, is your wife doing anything
Posted: Oct. 19 2008,6:16 pm
Post # 63
> It's important to understand the terminology to know > what is going on. > > > Stock Market Terms: > > CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. > > CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. > > BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor > to mistake > themselves for a financial genius. > > BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no > allowance, the > wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. > > VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. > > > FINANCIAL ADVISOR -- A guy whose phone has been > disconnected.(after he > Bought Low and Sold Lower) > > CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears > down the > toilet. > > BROKER -- What my broker has made me. > > P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their > pants as the > market keeps crashing. > > STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. > > STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. > > STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-spouse and the lawyer split > your assets > equally between themselves. > > MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. > > YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker > for $240 per > share. > > WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker > who bought Yahoo @ > $240 per share. > > INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now > locked up in a nut > house. > > PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
Real motors are Hemis and Chevys, Fords dont count!
"Stress: (noun) - The confusion created when one's mind overules the body's basic desire to choke the living $hit out of some as$hole that desperately deserves it."
GoFastRacer
HDF Supporter V-Driver For Life!
Big River, Ca Posts: 62,383
APPD 8.08 Post Rank: 1 Spectra20
Posted: Oct. 19 2008,9:18 pm
Post # 67
After retiring, this guy went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So he opened his shirt revealing his curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed his Social Security application. When he got home, he excitedly told his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too!...
Carrera Elite
Libra
HDF Supporter
Glendale,AZ Posts: 44,127
APPD 5.65 Post Rank: 2 1990 Carrera 23.5 Classic
Posted: Oct. 20 2008,12:44 am
Post # 68
Quote (GoFastRacer @ Oct. 19 2008,9:18 pm)
After retiring, this guy went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So he opened his shirt revealing his curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed his Social Security application. When he got home, he excitedly told his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too!...
And that's how the fight started.....
Did Your Wife Win That Fight??
Sarcasim, Just one more thing that I offer for free!! I've Reached The Age Where Happy Hour Is A Nap!!
Carrera Elite
Libra
HDF Supporter
Glendale,AZ Posts: 44,127
APPD 5.65 Post Rank: 2 1990 Carrera 23.5 Classic
Posted: Oct. 20 2008,12:47 am
Post # 69
A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts, "Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!" The wife says, "Great! What should I pack for? The ocean or the mountains?" He says, "I don't care! Just be out by the end of the week!"
Sarcasim, Just one more thing that I offer for free!! I've Reached The Age Where Happy Hour Is A Nap!!
Carrera Elite
Libra
HDF Supporter
Glendale,AZ Posts: 44,127
APPD 5.65 Post Rank: 2 1990 Carrera 23.5 Classic
Posted: Oct. 20 2008,12:52 am
Post # 71
about 3:30 in the morning, a wife wakes up to find she is alone in the bed and she can hear her husband crying uncontrollably.
She gets up and starts to look for him. He's not in the bathroom, living room, or in the kitchen. As she passes the laundry room, she hears his faint sniffels coming from the basement.
She turns on the light and goes downstairs to find him.
Finally, she finds him huddled in the corner, rolled up into a ball, and crying hysterically.
She runs over to him and asks why he is crying.
He says, "Do you remember when we got married twenty (20) years ago?"
She looks at him and says, "yes".
He says, "well, a couple of months before, your dad said that I could marry you or go to jail."
She says, "I already know that. I don't see what the problem is."
He says, " don't you see!!! I would have gotten out today!"
Sarcasim, Just one more thing that I offer for free!! I've Reached The Age Where Happy Hour Is A Nap!!
Carrera Elite
Libra
HDF Supporter
Glendale,AZ Posts: 44,127
APPD 5.65 Post Rank: 2 1990 Carrera 23.5 Classic
Posted: Oct. 20 2008,12:58 am
Post # 72
A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate: “I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports, and enjoys group activities.†Back came the answer: “Marry a penguin.â€
Sarcasim, Just one more thing that I offer for free!! I've Reached The Age Where Happy Hour Is A Nap!!
GoFastRacer
HDF Supporter V-Driver For Life!
Big River, Ca Posts: 62,383
APPD 8.08 Post Rank: 1 Spectra20
Posted: Oct. 20 2008,7:36 am
Post # 73
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: "There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he shouted. "An ambulance just drove by." "Looks like the Anderson's have company", he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike..." "Looks like the Sanders are moving" "Jason is on his skate board....." After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having sex!!!" Startled, his Mother and Dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they are having sex?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."
4-13-2024 Three Word Post.....The Next Generation.... (Rep.#18,878) from: GoFastRacer
